In Confessions/ Inspiration

I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING AND IT’S OKAY

i don't know where I'm going

Results season is upon us and I don’t know about you, but my Facebook feed is one of the most dramatic things I’ve ever seen; people sharing their graduation photos, their super-duper new job at that top firm, their engagement photos, pictures of their child(ren)?!!, marriages they’ve attended, their own weddings. You know what I mean…

When I was younger, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I flirted with the idea of becoming a palaeontologist and studying fossils. I toyed with the idea of becoming a museum curator. All of this at a time when my classmates were proclaiming that they wanted to be ballerinas, teachers and astronauts. I was a weird child. 

As I grew up, I realised I’m not very good at chemistry- out with the idea of being a palaeontologist. I’m also not very good at spending lots of time being quiet and a tonne of paperwork- bye bye museum curator future.

When it got to university, I really had no idea what I wanted to do. Everyone seemed to have their lives figured out! While some of my friends went to do medicine and law, others enrolled on apprenticeship schemes with a guaranteed job at the end. In a way, I was kind of envious that they had clear plans for the future. What did want to do?

I ended up choosing to study Classics (Latin and Ancient Greek) and If I’m totally honest, I’m not sure I’d have made the same choice if I were to choose today. It was a rushed decision taken a couple of days before UCAS applications were due *(UCAS is an online system where you apply to universities in the UK. If you’re really interested, you can find out more here).

And while I do enjoy my university course, I have no intentions on becoming a teacher- which is one of the only things that directly stems from a degree in Latin and Ancient Greek… I chose my course based on the fact that I was kind of interested in Ancient History, had always wanted to study Latin (weird child) and because there was the opportunity to do a year abroad- a year in Paris to be precise.

i don't know where i'm going

A couple more years rolled by: exams were taken, a handful of relationships, volunteering in museums, nights out with friends, waitressing, more university courses, more volunteering, more waitressing, some reception work, a few internships, more nights out with friends, more courses, more job applications. I was drained.

And throughout all this time, I had never really considered my future at any point.

Just before I moved to France, I bought my first ever camera (I also broke up with my 5 year on-off boyfriend).I had been on Instagram for a couple of months just taking quick snapshots on my smartphone and sharing a bit of info with each picture. It turns out, I really enjoyed sharing images and words with an online community. Most people were super supportive. I then started this blog (yay)!

Fast forward a year and here I am, finally in Paris. Recently turned 22, I’ve been thinking more about the future. I never thought I’d start a blog, get into freelance writing or even pick up a camera. But here we are!

I’m happier than I was in all those previous years despite the fact that I don’t know where I’m going…

So where does this bring us? Well, yesterday, I was wandering along the streets of the 10e arrondissement. Checking out the bars, thinking about the various emails I had to send, taking pretty pictures. In fact, I was thinking about the fact that France is the only place I’ve ever been where I can imagine myself living like long-term (and how happy I am)…

Dazed, I wandered onto a zebra crossing.

A taxi horn blared loudly.

And just like that, my train of thought was broken.

I still don’t know where I’m going and that’s okay…

DSC04596-01

You Might Also Like

9 Comments

  • Reply
    I don’t know…and It’s Okay – Reily Goes Ballistic
    28th April 2018 at 7:00 pm

    […] That’s okay though. The journey of 1,000 steps seems to simple. Just keep walking forward and you’ll be fine. In reality, we take so many diversions, alternate routes and detours. It’s not a terrible thing to do. The hard part is finding your way back in the right direction. A direction that we aren’t even sure is the right one to go down. Take me for example, should I play it safe and drop this dream in a field where so many fail to achieve despite having all the talent in the world? Should I “get real”? Am I doing what is right for me and do these doubts have deep roots in my head for a reason? If you ask yourself these questions like I do…don’t be afraid. I still don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I could be way off. But, I don’t think so and maybe it’s just my “safer” instincts creeping up on me. […]

  • Reply
    Abbi @ Spin the Windrose
    3rd February 2017 at 4:30 pm

    What a lovely post to read! Your honesty is so refreshing. I still have no idea where I’m going. I graduated in French and Italian over two years ago and have been travelling ever since. I guess I’ll stop when I figure it out!

  • Reply
    Karin
    25th December 2016 at 1:28 am

    Ha! Ancient literature and languages was my second choice 😉 I studied History of religions and majored in hinduism, lol. I was a weird child too and I guess I continue to be a weird adult! 😉

  • Reply
    Zhanna
    2nd September 2016 at 8:24 pm

    You are so young. When the right time comes, you will figure out everything. For now just do what makes you happy.

  • Reply
    Aleah | SolitaryWanderer
    28th August 2016 at 8:26 pm

    At your age, it’s the perfect time to experiment and experience things. I’m way older than you and I can say that when I was your age, I didn’t know what I wanted too (umm, actually I did. I wanted to be an astronaut LOL). Great blog and good photos! If you want to guest post on mine, just let me know. 🙂

  • Reply
    FabioRosado
    25th August 2016 at 9:51 am

    I think that feeling is pretty normal or maybe both you and I are weird!
    I wanted to be so many things while growing up (fireman, astronaut, pilot, photographer, journalist, becoming a millionaire and never have to worry about it any longer!)

    When the time came to go to Uni, I was far from becoming a millionaire and further from finding what I wanted to do. Heck, even now I’m not sure what is right. But… what I know is that it’s been great flying, writing, taking pictures and travelling.

    So… if you still don’t know what to do, don’t worry, sometimes things just fall into place and for the looks of your blog and amazing pictures in your Instagram, you are doing great 😀

  • Reply
    Christina Braccia
    24th August 2016 at 6:51 am

    I seriously love how open and honest you were in this post Sophie! It is okay that you don’t know where you’re going- you’ll learn about yourself while you’re getting there.

    xo, Christina
    http://www.christinabeex3.com/

  • Reply
    Tanja (the Red phone box travels)
    23rd August 2016 at 10:03 am

    you’ve got plenty of time to figure it out! and you know the saying: the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, so even when we know everything our life can be turned upside down!

  • Reply
    the adventurer
    23rd August 2016 at 2:12 am

    This is such a sincere post. It’s ok to not have it figured out, and I have to say you have a lovely blog and incredible photos =o)

    http://www.dreamofadventures.com/

  • Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.